by Peter Relf

You can’t be serious!  You, of all people, won’t be able to manage it!  You - spending a weekend being silent?

Telling your friends and family that you’ve signed up for the Local Preachers’ Silent Retreat causes such merriment and disbelief.  At the start of the retreat last July, people described the laughter they caused by admitting that this was where they were going.

I remember the first time I filled in the booking form.  Inside, it felt a risky, challenging thing to do, and then there was the business of telling Sue that this was what I was going to do.  She managed to control her reaction to a quiet smile, but our friends were less restrained.  If it felt risky before, they managed to make it seem foolhardy.

In those days, the retreat was at Ecton – the retreat house of the Peterborough Diocese.  When they sold off this beautiful house, the retreat began to move, to Offchurch, Morley and Ampleforth but now it is settling at Morley, just outside Derby.  This place too is beautiful – relaxing and wrapped in prayer, with appetising meals and simple accommodation (not yet en-suite).  I can remember the Friday evening meal at my first retreat.  It felt that people were talking nineteen to the dozen to make up for the silence that was to follow.

In fact, the people who go on silent retreat are always a mix of newcomers and regulars.  The meals at the start and the end of the weekend are the only opportunity to use words to learn something about each other.  It does not take us long to feel at ease with each other and if some have come apprehensively, others have come anticipating another special time.  What takes people by surprise is the way that a silent retreat is a shared activity rather than total solitude.  We are being silent together – even when we are apart.

The format of the retreat is a series of introductions by the retreat leader, followed by periods of silent reading and/or reflection.  We do tend to come together for each of the introductions, but everything is optional.  If anyone wants to pray, read, sleep, reflect, be alone – it’s all OK.  When we are being silent, we might be outside – sitting or strolling in the grounds or the walled garden at Morley, or we might be indoors – in our own room, in one of the sitting rooms, in the main meeting room or in the recently built chapel.  Saturday afternoon is free time, when some choose to go for a walk in the local area, or perhaps relax in the bath, or visit Morley church – also in the grounds.  This last July, I did some watercolour painting on the Saturday afternoon.

There are times which the leader sets aside for individuals to have a short, private conversation with them about a particular concern which the retreat is highlighting for them.  Not everyone makes use of these points.  They, too, are very much optional.

Silent mealtimes are a particular joy.  Not only is there good food to enjoy, but there is an alertness to each other which is not so essential at ordinary meals.  Our choice of silence prevents us asking for the marmalade or the milk or the salt or the custard.  All you need do is to look meaningfully and five or six other people are offering you their silent help.  This way of dining is fun and emphasises our togetherness.  There’s music playing while we eat, so mealtimes are not awkward and sombre, but relaxed, sometimes devotional, often with humour.

We come together for evening prayers on the Friday and the Saturday.  These are not entirely silent as we sing (perhaps a hymn or song or chant) and we pray together.  It is good to relax into silence together in the chapel.  On Sunday morning, we have an act of worship which also allows time to break the silence and to share with our friends the insights and delights of the weekend.  This really does enrich us all.  The whole weekend is a time of being in touch – with ourselves, with each other and with God.

A silent retreat may not be for everyone, but a good number of those who have come once, do come again – not necessarily every year, but from time to time.  Friends and family come to accept that being silent for a weekend is not so laughable after all.

If you are interested in taking part in a retreat click here